Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 




"Good,"
                says the author at our building door,
        "that there are no fires in Brooklyn."

But he is blind at 8:00,
and too easily persuaded by the dole of feminists
        skinned by gabbling coins,

        as good a donation  as a hunger artist could hope for.

His only subjects of choice are
dopamine
        and the sexual affections of male ballet dancers;
        but he has never broached them in the same conversation.

                This is why. This is why,
        when we hear him talking about fire,

we are all thrown from the memory
of our standard/gather-round/assumed positions,

and why we all
        flutter
        to find vacant plots on the cement around him,

        and whip out our lighters and dear cigarettes:

agile, self-mangling gunslingers,
we have been prepared for this pleasant novelty
                                                                —all day.
©2004-2009 ~avante
:iconavante:

Author's Comments

!

Preview stock from [link].

Daily Deviation

Given 2005-10-19

The best description for this deviation is a line from the poem itself - "as good a donation as a hunger artist could hope for. " Gunslinging by ~avante, go read it. (Featured by `imperfect)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcatching:
and too easily persuaded by the dole of feminists
skinned by gabbling coins,

as good a donation as a hunger artist could hope for.


:clap: Loving this. Great Kafka reference.

x Take out the / between assumed and positions; I think as it is, that little bit conveys the wrong meaning.
x At first agile, self-mangling gunslingers stuck out to me poorly, but after finishing the sentance, it's all good.
x Debating if I like the line separation and — at the ending; although, I am leaning toward like.

This is excellent. Quite different from what I've seen of your other work (which I still think you should post). Regardless, I'm probably going to have to fav this one.

--
Blah, blah, blah. Me, me, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, me, me, blah.
:iconpeace-love-happiness:
Oh, I love it I love it I love it. What a sharp and quirky image. "Novelty" is perfectly employed here. You've hit it right on the head.
:iconavante:
Gotta love Kafka. I'm making the /-edit as we speak. ...Er, yeah.
:iconcontrafool:
oh fire, yum. I love fire. What a wonderful poetic device. --Erik
:iconavante:
Heh, fire: a poetic device? I'm confused.
:iconcontrafool:
i like how you mention the man talking about fire. instead of just saying he wants a cigaret lit you just call it fire. For a brief moment it leaves something for the imagination to ponder. What will he do with fire?
:iconsticks:
Interesting cascade of images and thoughts. I'm tempted to imagine this from a 4th story window, overlooking a quiet inner-corner on a cloudy day. Thick jackets and cigarettes. And the subtle mention about the ballet dancers adds so much to the character - without creating any crass images to ruin the mood of the poem.

--
[link] LPS. For Poets, by Poets.
[link] South African pride.

moot
:iconastrophel:
I'm not tempted to do much, wish I had any skill at critiqueing poetry, I'm going to be a bit of a sad watcher, but I do intend to watch. I like how your words come out of my mouth.

--
Is this about a girl or the United States?
:iconavante:
Hehe, a lovely perspective.

Details

April 21, 2004
1.2 KB
14.4 KB
222×282

Statistics

49
105 [who?]
4,603 (0 today)
1,547 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map